Off Hiatus

Its been longer than I planned to be away.  The past month has of course seen ups and downs, departures, not so many arrivals, rainy weather, stormy moods, windy emotions.  Food has of course been epicenter with the 1-2x week rearing of an old demon from the past. 

What is my baseline?  Is it to be happy what percentage of the time?  Is it to cry x times a month?  Is it to have such and such amount of anxiety and obsessive thoughts?  Is it to get my feelings hurt a certain percentage of the time?  How can I be a good wife, friend, employee, family member, and one day a parent when I dont even know myself so well?  I dont even know to what degree I love myself and where survival just takes over.  How much is your support system supposed to be there for you?  How much money are you supposed to make or give to others?  How much tv is too much to watch?  How many times a day is it normal to urinate in one day?  Is it wrong to spank your kids? 

My most recent food craving: Banh Mi aka Vietnamese Sandwich.  My fave local place is a family run store off ECB.  The one i get is the ham am combo sandwich.  It contains head cheese, ham, pate, meatloaf, pickled turnips and carrots, and cilantro with this surreal mayo/ buttery spread.  I used to get it with jalopenos but my old age cannot tolerate the burn on my insides.  Still miss the spice at times but I dont want to ruin the splendor of the sandwich if the heat becomes too much.  I should ask for a mild pepper...HA.  their bread is always crusty and soft at the same time.  See the sandwich bliss below.